Grade 6
Annotation Papers
November 2005 Expository Prompt:
Most of us have had to learn a task that was challenging,
such as skateboarding, researching and writing a report, or
presenting a project. Think about something that was hard
for you to learn.
In three or more paragraphs, explain to your teacher what
was difficult for you and why.
Grade: 6 Year: 2002
Everett Public Schools
Mode:
Annotation:
Scori
NG
Paper:
Prompt:
Back to top
Writing Annotations
Above-
Standard-
Basic-
Below-
Cont Organ Style Conv
This paper is generally an inadequate example of an expository
paper.
While this writer shows an awareness of the
topic
, the ideas
need to be developed more completely.
“I had to find some
info for a
[missing report]
about my culcher and my
mom and dad did not know what are culcher was
and…”
In part because of the multiple run-on sentences, the
reader has difficulty discerning the main thought. Everything
seems important and somewhat random, i.e., a search for
reasons
. Thus, there is little
evidence
to support the content
and the
message
is flawed. The organizational pattern (
middle
)
more like an outline with basic conjunctions for
transitions
.
While there is a recognizable
introduction,
which repeats part
of the prompt, there is no
conclusion
. The paper simply ends.
Voice, word choice,
and
sentence fuency
are all lifeless and
basic. The writer’s
style
has no sense of the person behind the
words. Much of the paper is run-on sentences. A cadence is
missing and endless connectives, i.e., “and or “so” are used to
separate thoughts.
convention
use is poor. There are enough
errors that the reader is distracted from the text but it is
decipherable, “
…we had to figure out what to bring
but we figured out what to bring after awhil of
thinking so we brat torteas…’
The major errors are in
the use of spelling rules, e.g., figurd, I’v, grat, (phonetic efforts
with culcher or cukher for culture and lakley for luckily) and
use of complete sentences
This paper has not yet met the district’s performance
standard.
06081
Expository
Most of us have had to learn a task that was
challenging, such as skateboarding, researching and
writing a report, or presenting a project. Think about
something that was hard for you to learn.
In three or more paragraphs, explain to your teacher
what was difficult for you and why.
Content
RA.
Topic
generally
focused
throughout (2+)
RB.
Reasons connected; does
not support the thesis
(2)
RC.
Evidence connected; does
not support the reasons;
implied
(2)
RD.
Message
present
; simplistic;
flawed;
needs interpretation
(2)
Organization
RA.
Introduction
restates
title or prompt,
unclear, or only a
little sense
of direction
(2)
RB. Middle
loosely patterned
; outline-like (2)
RC.
Transitions
incorrectly used
,
omitted
, or
repetitive
(1+)
RD.
Conclusion
missing
; restates topic; text
abruptly
ends (1)
Style
RA.
Sentences have
some
variety in
beginnings, length, and/or structure;
awkward
;
troublesome
to read
aloud (2)
RB.
Word Choice
limited
; does
not
enhance
; thesaurus overload,
passive
verbs (2)
RC.
Voice
distracted
commitment; tone
inconsistent
; yet to be invited-in;
audience/purpose is weak (2-)
Conventions
R
Level 1: Below Basic
Inconsistently
applies usage, spelling,
capitalization, punctuation and paragraphs;
errors
interfere
with meaning and/or
readability. (1+)
1
Page 1 of 1
Grade: 6 Year: 2002
Everett Public Schools
Mode:
Annotation:
Scori
NG
Paper:
Prompt:
Back to top
Writing Annotations
Above-
Standard-
Basic-
Below-
Cont Organ Style Conv
This paper maintains an adequate example of expository
writing.
“Tieing my shoes was difficult for me. I just couldn’t
get it right… ”
opened this little paper. Sufficient and narrow
focus was maintained on this main
topic
.
reasons
and
evidence
were adequate but more development of the topic and more
supporting details would have added depth to the writing. The
message
was cute and interesting but could have had more
substance. An organizational pattern was evident in the paper’s
body
. There was a brief, contextualized
introduction
, logical
sequencing, and a fairly nice tying-up,
concluding
paragraph.
However the paragraph would have been better without the last
sentence, “
Well there is one of my difficult tasks for ya!.”
Transitions
were mostly telling and basic (finally, because, but,
then), providing only some cohesion across or within paragraphs.
Voice
and
word choice
were some of the stronger traits in
this paper. A sense of the personality behind the writer is
revealed:
“I always thought that maybe a light bulb
was burnt out in my head because I could not get it for
the life of me.” ” Then it clicked the light bulb was on
full force.”
Sentences
were routinely structured, with some
variety in beginnings. For the most part,
conventions
were
adequate. Although moderate editing is needed for missing
words and end marks, the errors in usage and punctuation did
not affect the readability of this paper. Spelling errors were
minor: Tieing, one for on.
As such, this paper has just met the district’s performance
standard.
06040
Expository
Content
RA.
Topic
purposeful
throughout (4-)
RB.
Reasons
signifcant,
relevant
to support thesis (3)
RC.
Evidence
signifcant,
relevant & elaborated,
supports reasons (3)
RD.
Message
interesting,
important
; may be obvious
(3)
Organization
RA.
Introduction
presents thesis in some
context
; provides reader with
direction
(3)
RB.
Middle prepared in a
logical pattern
to
show thesis (3)
RC.
Transitions
telling/sequencing
connections
(2)
RD.
Conclusion
ties up
loose ends with
consequences
, connection to the broader,
or
call for action
(3)
Style
RA.
Sentences
vary
in beginnings,
length, and/or structure,
usually
flow
smoothly, easily read aloud (3)
RB.
Word Choice
specifc
;
strengthens
writing;
shows
use of
active
verbs
(3-)
RC.
Voice
shows
commitment
; reader-
writer interaction; tone attracts reader;
audience/purpose
addressed
(3)
Conventions
R
Level 3: Profcient
(According to grade level
expectations)
Competent
use of conventions;
mostly
and
consistently
applies correctly usage,
spelling, and punctuation; does not
interfere with meaning and/or readability.
(3-)
Page 1 of 1
Most of us have had to learn a task that was
challenging, such as skateboarding, researching and
writing a report, or presenting a project. Think about
something that was hard for you to learn.
In three or more paragraphs, explain to your teacher
what was difficult for you and why.
Grade: 6 Year: 2002
Everett Public Schools
Mode:
Annotation:
Scori
NG
Paper:
Prompt:
4
Back to top
Writing Annotations
Above-
Standard-
Basic-
Below-
Cont Organ Style Conv
Expository
Page 1 of
Content
RA.
Topic
purposeful
throughout
(4-)
RB.
Reasons
purposeful
,
fully
support thesis/position (4)
RC.
Evidence
signifcant,
relevant & elaborated,
supports reasons (3)
RD.
Message
interesting,
important
; may be obvious
(3)
Organization
RA.
Introduction
presents thesis in some
context
; provides reader with
direction
(3-)
RB.
Middle
purposefully
arranged in a
logical
pattern; clearly ft together (4-)
RC.
Transitions
show
,
signal
, or
maintain
basic and sequencing connections (3)
RD.
Conclusion
limited
; restates main points
(2+)
Style
RA.
Sentences
vary
in beginnings,
length, and/or structure,
usually
flow
smoothly, easily read aloud (3+)
RB.
Word Choice
specifc
;
strengthens
writing;
shows
use of
active
verbs
(3+/4-)
RC.
Voice
engaging
,
confdent
,
commitment,
takes a risk
; hooks
reader; audience/purpose
strongly
addressed (4)
Conventions
R
Level 3: Profcient
(According to grade level
expectations)
Competent
use of conventions;
mostly
and
consistently
applies correctly usage,
spelling, and punctuation; does not
interfere with meaning and/or readability.
(3+)
4
This writer consistently demonstrates a satisfactory ability
to write an expository paper.
The
introduction
of this agreeably written paper was fresh
and interesting. The main
topic
was controlled by the writer,
purposefully focused, and supported with accurate
reasons
and
details
. For the most part the
message
was interesting and
relevant. The
body
of this paper flowed logically.
Transitions
were mostly quite helpful and at other times just telling-like:
“Another way…, Even though…, after, but, because
”
While there was a recognizable
conclusion
, more information
would have given it more strength. As it was it mostly was too
limited and failed to connect or tie-up loose ends.
Style
-wise,
the writer spoke to the reader in a way that conveyed clearly
how the writer felt about learning basketball.
“... my little
brother already knew how to play. This made learning
difficult because he always distracted me, and kept
reminding me of my previous (precious) failures.”
Voice
showed good commitment to the topic and often the writer took
a risk in the examples s/he cited. There were some colorful
word
phrases:
“…useing enough force and aim…, “…being
my better…”
, but except for precise terms for the sport
most of the language was more functional than imaginative.
Sentence fuency
was solid with a natural rhythm:
“The rules
were not as hard to learn as the fouls, but I still found
them very confusing.”
Variety in sentence structure kept
the pace interesting and smooth. The writer used
conventions
to add personality to the paper. Little editing is needed on this
paper: missing verb (was in line 3) and minor spelling errors.
This paper has me the district’s performance standard.
06017a
Most of us have had to learn a task that was
challenging, such as skateboarding, researching and
writing a report, or presenting a project. Think about
something that was hard for you to learn.
In three or more paragraphs, explain to your teacher
what was difficult for you and why.
Grade: 6 Year: 2002
Everett Public Schools
Mode:
Annotation:
Scori
NG
Paper:
Prompt:
Back to top
Writing Annotations
Above-
Standard-
Basic-
Below-
Cont Organ Style Conv
Expository
Page of
06017b
Most of us have had to learn a task that was
challenging, such as skateboarding, researching and
writing a report, or presenting a project. Think about
something that was hard for you to learn.
In three or more paragraphs, explain to your teacher
what was difficult for you and why.
Content
RA.
Topic
purposeful
throughout
(4-)
RB.
Reasons
purposeful
,
fully
support thesis/position (4)
RC.
Evidence
signifcant,
relevant & elaborated,
supports reasons (3)
RD.
Message
interesting,
important
; may be obvious
(3)
Organization
RA.
Introduction
presents thesis in some
context
; provides reader with
direction
(3-)
RB.
Middle
purposefully
arranged in a
logical
pattern; clearly ft together (4-)
RC.
Transitions
show
,
signal
, or
maintain
basic and sequencing connections (3)
RD.
Conclusion
limited
; restates main points
(2+)
Style
RA.
Sentences
vary
in beginnings,
length, and/or structure,
usually
flow
smoothly, easily read aloud (3+)
RB.
Word Choice
vivid
,
precise
, apt,
natural
& never overdone;
various
active
verbs (4-)
RC.
Voice
engaging
,
confdent
,
commitment,
takes a risk
; hooks
reader; audience/purpose
strongly
addressed (4-)
Conventions
R
Level 3: Profcient
(According to grade level
expectations)
Competent
use of conventions;
mostly
and
consistently
applies correctly usage,
spelling, and punctuation; does not
interfere with meaning and/or readability.
(3+)
4
This writer consistently demonstrates a satisfactory ability
to write an expository paper.
The
introduction
of this agreeably written paper was fresh
and interesting. The main
topic
was controlled by the writer,
purposefully focused, and supported with accurate
reasons
and
details
. For the most part the
message
was interesting and
relevant. The
body
of this paper flowed logically.
Transitions
were mostly quite helpful and at other times just telling-like:
“Another way…, Even though…, after, but, because
”
While there was a recognizable
conclusion
, more information
would have given it more strength. As it was it mostly was too
limited and failed to connect or tie-up loose ends.
Style
-wise,
the writer spoke to the reader in a way that conveyed clearly
how the writer felt about learning basketball.
“... my little
brother already knew how to play. This made learning
difficult because he always distracted me, and kept
reminding me of my previous (precious) failures.”
Voice
showed good commitment to the topic and often the writer took
a risk in the examples s/he cited. There were some colorful
word
phrases:
“…useing enough force and aim…, “…being
my better…”
, but except for precise terms for the sport
most of the language was more functional than imaginative.
Sentence fuency
was solid with a natural rhythm:
“The rules
were not as hard to learn as the fouls, but I still found
them very confusing.”
Variety in sentence structure kept
the pace interesting and smooth. The writer used
conventions
to add personality to the paper. Little editing is needed on this
paper: missing verb (was in line 3) and minor spelling errors.
This paper has me the district’s performance standard.
Grade: 6 Year: 2002
Everett Public Schools
Mode:
Annotation:
Scori
NG
Paper:
Prompt:
6
Back to top
Writing Annotations
Above-
Standard-
Basic-
Below-
Cont Organ Style Conv
0604a
Expository
Page 1 of
Content
RA.
Topic
purposeful
throughout (4)
RB.
Reasons
signifcant,
relevant
to support thesis
(3+)
RC.
Evidence
signifcant,
relevant & elaborated,
supports reasons (3)
RD.
Message
insightful
,
clarifes
, goes beyond,
anticipates questions (4)
Organization
RA.
Introduction
creatively
presents thesis in
context; draws reader in with
strong
sense
of direction (4-)
RB.
Middle prepared in a
logical pattern
to
show thesis (3)
RC.
Transitions
show
,
signal
, or
maintain
basic and sequencing connections (3+)
RD.
Conclusion provides
thought
-
provoking
resolution, connection to the broader, or call
for action (4)
Style
RA.
Sentences vary
widely
in beginnings,
length, and/or structure, flow
easily
;
cadence
,
invites
reading aloud (4-)
RB.
Word Choice
vivid
,
precise
, apt,
natural
& never overdone;
various
active
verbs (4-)
RC.
Voice
engaging
,
confdent
,
commitment,
takes a risk
; hooks
reader; audience/purpose
strongly
addressed (4)
Conventions
R
Level 3: Profcient
(According to grade level
expectations)
Competent
use of conventions;
mostly
and
consistently
applies correctly usage,
spelling, and punctuation; does not
interfere with meaning and/or readability.
(3+)
44
4
This writer demonstrates an outstanding ability to explain
something throughout a paper.
From the lead words and sentences, this writer’s
introduction
commands the reader’s attention. While wording like this from
an older student might be trite, it works at this grade level.
The
topic
was well developed and relevantly supported with
ample and creative
reasons
and
details
. The writer seemed to
be writing from experience, which gave the paper authenticity.
Organizational efforts enhanced the writing. The sequencing
in the paper’s
middle
was logical with good pacing.
Transitions
were quite cohesive both across and within paragraphs:
“Which
reminds me!,” “…as well as…,” “And like always…”.
The
wrap-up in the
conclusion
was insightful:
“…I would be taking
away an important lesson that I learned… nothing is
impossible, unless you think it is.”
Engaging and revealing
best describe the
voice
of this paper:
“Even the memories
are still painful! Yes, I’m sure now! Learning to ride
a bike was definitely the hardest thing I have ever
had to do.”
There was a strong commitment to the topic.
Colorful
word choices
were combined with a variety of
sentence
structures that contributed to the quality of the writing.
Sentences flowed naturally:
“I had to overcome my fear
of blood as well as falling. Which reminds me! I was
also afraid of crashing, losing control…”
convention
use
was as solid as the rest of the traits were. In some instances
it was creative and helped add interest to the paper. Little
editing is needed for this paper to be published.
This paper has surpassed the district’s performance
standard.
Most of us have had to learn a task that was
challenging, such as skateboarding, researching and
writing a report, or presenting a project. Think about
something that was hard for you to learn.
In three or more paragraphs, explain to your teacher
what was difficult for you and why.
Grade: 6 Year: 2002
Everett Public Schools
Mode:
Annotation:
Scori
NG
Paper:
Prompt:
7
Back to top
Writing Annotations
Above-
Standard-
Basic-
Below-
Cont Organ Style Conv
Expository
Page of
0604b
Most of us have had to learn a task that was
challenging, such as skateboarding, researching and
writing a report, or presenting a project. Think about
something that was hard for you to learn.
In three or more paragraphs, explain to your teacher
what was difficult for you and why.
Content
RA.
Topic
purposeful
throughout (4)
RB.
Reasons
signifcant,
relevant
to support thesis
(3+)
RC.
Evidence
signifcant,
relevant & elaborated,
supports reasons (3)
RD.
Message
insightful
,
clarifes
, goes beyond,
anticipates questions (4)
Organization
RA.
Introduction
creatively
presents thesis in
context; draws reader in with
strong
sense
of direction (4-)
RB.
Middle prepared in a
logical pattern
to
show thesis (3)
RC.
Transitions
show
,
signal
, or
maintain
basic and sequencing connections (3+)
RD.
Conclusion provides
thought
-
provoking
resolution, connection to the broader, or call
for action (4)
Style
RA.
Sentences vary
widely
in beginnings,
length, and/or structure, flow
easily
;
cadence
,
invites
reading aloud (4-)
RB.
Word Choice
vivid
,
precise
, apt,
natural
& never overdone;
various
active
verbs (4-)
RC.
Voice
engaging
,
confdent
,
commitment,
takes a risk
; hooks
reader; audience/purpose
strongly
addressed (4)
Conventions
R
Level 3: Profcient
(According to grade level
expectations)
Competent
use of conventions;
mostly
and
consistently
applies correctly usage,
spelling, and punctuation; does not
interfere with meaning and/or readability.
(3+)
44
4
This writer demonstrates an outstanding ability to explain
something throughout a paper.
From the lead words and sentences, this writer’s
introduction
commands the reader’s attention. While wording like this from
an older student might be trite, it works at this grade level.
The
topic
was well developed and relevantly supported with
ample and creative
reasons
and
details
. The writer seemed to
be writing from experience, which gave the paper authenticity.
Organizational efforts enhanced the writing. The sequencing
in the paper’s
middle
was logical with good pacing.
Transitions
were quite cohesive both across and within paragraphs:
“Which
reminds me!,” “…as well as…,” “And like always…”.
The
wrap-up in the
conclusion
was insightful:
“…I would be taking
away an important lesson that I learned… nothing is
impossible, unless you think it is.”
Engaging and revealing
best describe the
voice
of this paper:
“Even the memories
are still painful! Yes, I’m sure now! Learning to ride
a bike was definitely the hardest thing I have ever
had to do.”
There was a strong commitment to the topic.
Colorful
word choices
were combined with a variety of
sentence
structures that contributed to the quality of the writing.
Sentences flowed naturally:
“I had to overcome my fear
of blood as well as falling. Which reminds me! I was
also afraid of crashing, losing control…”
convention
use
was as solid as the rest of the traits were. In some instances
it was creative and helped add interest to the paper. Little
editing is needed for this paper to be published.
This paper has surpassed the district’s performance
standard.
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