AnnoGr6 12-11-06.indd

Everett Public Schools

Grade: 6

Year: 2003

Scoring: 4-Strand by 4-Levels

Modes:

Pages:

Persuasive

1 - 14

Writing

Annotations

Everett Public Schools

Directions:

The following annotations are

organized

by mode and from low to higher skilled

papers within the mode. Each prompt/mode has four papers.

Use

these annotations when reading/rating your papers to rate each strand called

for on the scoring guide. It

‛

s usually thought best to rate holistic traits fi rst, i.e.,

Organization and Style, and then the more detail-oriented traits, i.e., Content and

Conventions. Each set of four papers includes a basic-below paper, two at-standard

papers (low-at-standard and high-at-standard), and an above paper.

When

recording

your students

‛

scores include the student

‛

s name (and ID,

if required), four scores, and the prompt ID. Class averages are optional. Individual

student and class level record/data sheets are near the end of this document.

Scores

for school and classroom level summaries will be reported in whole numbers

only. Individual student scores may be reported as whole numbers and whole num-

bers with pluses and minuses; e.g., 3+, 3, or 3-.

Writing

Annotations

Grade: 6 Year: 2003

Everett Public Schools

Mode:

Annotation:

SCORING

Paper:

Prompt:

Writing Annotations

Above-

Standard-

Basic-

Below-

Cont Organ Style Conv

The writer consistently shows a weak ability to write

persuasively.

The

topic

about changing the school mascot is generally

presented.

Reasons

and offered

evidence

weakly support

the topic and as such the paper is weakly developed. The

message

the writer is sending has not been clearly thought out

to support the change but rather to explain the new design.

The brief

introduction

is more a restatement of the prompt,

and provides the reader with little sense of direction. The

brevity of the writing allows for few

middle

supporting ideas,

and

transitions

are at a minimum,

“On the other side…”

. The

four-word

conclusion

is very limiting. While there is some

variety in

sentence

structure, oral reading could be awkward

with only some degree of fl uency. A limited

vocabulary

hinders

word choice and offers no enhancement. The writers

‛

voice

has

yet to invite the reader in, and appears distracted. At best

the

conventions

resemble 3-5 GLEs that are not completely

mastered.

Spelling

is mostly correct, although only common

words. As for

punctuation

, there are a few serious mistakes

with commas and colons, e.g.,

“Dear: Ms L”

, are not used

correctly.

Usage

of Standard English has one run-on sentence,

“I studied hard now I am going to do the same in high

school.”

but

capitalization

is mostly correct. A

paragraph

present and designated correctly, but unclear.

This paper has not yet met the district

‛

s performance

03688

Persuasive

Some students think the mascot for your

school should be changed. Do you think it should be

changed? Take a position. Would a new creature, image,

person, or animal be better to represent your school

‛

spirit or is your current mascot a good one.

In a letter to your principal persuade him/her that the

mascot should or shouldn

‛

t be changed and why.

Content

A. Topic

generally

focused

throughout (2)

B. Reasons connected; does

not support the thesis

(2)

C. Evidence connected; does

not support the reasons;

implied

(2)

D. Message

present

;

simplistic; fl awed; needs

interpretation (2)

Organization

A. Introduction

restates

title or prompt,

unclear, or only a

little sense

of direction

(2)

B. Middle

loosely patterned

; outline-like (2)

C. Transitions

telling/sequencing

connections

(2)

D. Conclusion

limited

; restates main points

(2)

Style

A. Sentences have

some

variety in

beginnings, length, and/or structure;

awkward

;

troublesome

to read

aloud (2)

B. Word Choice

limited

; does

not

enhance

; thesaurus overload,

passive

verbs (2)

C. Voice

distracted

commitment; tone

inconsistent

; yet to be invited-in;

audience/purpose is weak (2)

Conventions

Level 2: Basic

Consistently

applies usage, spelling,

capitalization, punctuation and paragraphs;

minimal errors do not interfere

with

meaning and/or readability. (2+)

Page 1 of 1

Grade: 6 Year: 2003

Everett Public Schools

Mode:

Annotation:

SCORING

Paper:

Prompt:

Writing Annotations

Above-

Standard-

Basic-

Below-

Cont Organ Style Conv

The writer generally demonstrates a barely adequate ability

to persuade effectively.

The author in writing to keep the school mascot as it is,

presents a weakly maintained narrow

topic

. As

evidence

developed to support relevant

reasons

, the details and examples

are not always relevant or elaborated:

“Our school building

colors are brown and so are the hawks that represent

our school.”

There is predictability in the

message

, thoughts

are obvious, but the points are not always interesting. The

introduction

which seeks to keep the school mascot displays the

main idea and draws the reader in by offering some direction.

Middle

events are supporting and are prepared in a logical

pattern:

“Most people like Hawks just as a bird. It is

also a very good example for us.”

Provided connections,

e.g., “

also

”, are more like “telling”

transitions

between and

within paragraphs. As the writer pleads with the principal not

to change the school mascot, the

conclusion

is only restating

main points already covered.

Sentence fl uency

offers some

variation. But there is awkwardness in some of the sentence

structures making reading aloud troublesome. Appropriate

word choice

maintains strength in the writing, while use of

active verbs contributes as well.

Commitment

within the

writer is persistent but weak and it does not hook the reader.

Convention

-wise, most 3-5 and grade 6 GLEs appear to be met

much of the time.

Usage

of Standard English is mostly correct,

as well as

spelling

and

punctuation

Paragraphs

are indicated

the same way. There is some randomness to

capitalization

that

is inconsistently applied, but the meaning is not effected.

This paper has met the district

‛

s performance standard.

03652a

Persuasive

Content

A. Topic

narrowly

maintained

(3)

B. Reasons signifi cant,

relevant

to support thesis

(3-)

C. Evidence connected; does

not support the reasons;

implied

(2)

D. Message

interesting,

important

; may be obvious

(3-)

Organization

A. Introduction

present thesis in some

context

; provides reader with

direction

(3)

B. Middle prepared in a

logical pattern

show thesis (3)

C. Transitions

telling/sequencing

connections

(2)

D. Conclusion

limited

; restates main points

(2)

Style

A. Sentences have

some

variety in

beginnings, length, and/or structure;

awkward

;

troublesome

to read

aloud (2+)

B. Word Choice

specifi c

;

strengthens

writing;

shows

use of

active

verbs

(3)

C. Voice shows

commitment

; reader-

writer interaction; tone attracts reader;

audience/purpose

addressed

(3)

Conventions

Level 3: Profi cient

(According to grade level

expectations)

Competent

use of conventions;

mostly

and

consistently

applies correctly usage,

spelling, and punctuation; does not

interfere with meaning and/or readability.

(3)

Page 1 of 2

Some students think the mascot for your

school should be changed. Do you think it should be

changed? Take a position. Would a new creature, image,

person, or animal be better to represent your school

‛

spirit or is your current mascot a good one.

In a letter to your principal persuade him/her that the

mascot should or shouldn

‛

t be changed and why.

Grade: 6 Year: 2003

Everett Public Schools

Mode:

Annotation:

SCORING

Paper:

Prompt:

Writing Annotations

Above-

Standard-

Basic-

Below-

Cont Organ Style Conv

03652b

Persuasive

Page 2 of 2

Some students think the mascot for your

school should be changed. Do you think it should be

changed? Take a position. Would a new creature, image,

person, or animal be better to represent your school

‛

spirit or is your current mascot a good one.

In a letter to your principal persuade him/her that the

mascot should or shouldn

‛

t be changed and why.

The writer generally demonstrates a barely adequate ability

to persuade effectively.

The author in writing to keep the school mascot as it is,

presents a weakly maintained narrow

topic

. As

evidence

developed to support relevant

reasons

, the details and examples

are not always relevant or elaborated:

“Our school building

colors are brown and so are the hawks that represent

our school.”

There is predictability in the

message

, thoughts

are obvious, but the points are not always interesting. The

introduction

which seeks to keep the school mascot displays the

main idea and draws the reader in by offering some direction.

Middle

events are supporting and are prepared in a logical

pattern:

“Most people like Hawks just as a bird. It is

also a very good example for us.”

Provided connections,

e.g., “

also

”, are more like “telling”

transitions

between and

within paragraphs. As the writer pleads with the principal not

to change the school mascot, the

conclusion

is only restating

main points already covered.

Sentence fl uency

offers some

variation. But there is awkwardness in some of the sentence

structures making reading aloud troublesome. Appropriate

word choice

maintains strength in the writing, while use of

active verbs contributes as well.

Commitment

within the

writer is persistent but weak and it does not hook the reader.

Convention

-wise, most 3-5 grade 6 GLEs appear to be met much

of the time.

Usage

of Standard English is mostly correct, as

well as

spelling

and

punctuation

Paragraphs

are indicated the

same way. There is some randomness to

capitalization

that is

inconsistently applied, but the meaning is not effected.

This paper has met the district

‛

s performance standard.

Content

A. Topic

narrowly

maintained

(3)

B. Reasons signifi cant,

relevant

to support thesis

(3-)

C. Evidence connected; does

not support the reasons;

implied

(2)

D. Message

interesting,

important

; may be obvious

(3-)

Organization

A. Introduction

present thesis in some

context

; provides reader with

direction

(3)

B. Middle prepared in a

logical pattern

show thesis (3)

C. Transitions

telling/sequencing

connections

(2)

D. Conclusion

limited

; restates main points

(2)

Style

A. Sentences have

some

variety in

beginnings, length, and/or structure;

awkward

;

troublesome

to read

aloud (2+)

B. Word Choice

specifi c

;

strengthens

writing;

shows

use of

active

verbs

(3)

C. Voice shows

commitment

; reader-

writer interaction; tone attracts reader;

audience/purpose

addressed

(3)

Conventions

Level 3: Profi cient

(According to grade level

expectations)

Competent

use of conventions;

mostly

and

consistently

applies correctly usage,

spelling, and punctuation; does not

interfere with meaning and/or readability.

(3)

Grade: 6 Year: 2003

Everett Public Schools

Mode:

Annotation:

SCORING

Paper:

Prompt:

Writing Annotations

Above-

Standard-

Basic-

Below-

Cont Organ Style Conv

The writer consistently demonstrates a fi tting ability to

persuade effectively.

An insightful

message

is presented in the opening of this

paper with hope of changing the school

‛

s mascot. Personal

experiences are drawn upon and enlighten the reader:

“…I

think of wilderness because Gateway Middle School

is surrounds (sp) forest… When I think of a forest, I

think of cougars… Cougars rule the forest…”

A narrow

topic

is being maintained, incorporating relevant

reasons

and

clarifying

evidence

for support. The reader is easily pulled in

through the

introduction

, which leads to

middle

events that

purposefully fi t together.

“…we are like the cougars, we

rule the forest!... This is our territory!”

Transitions

help

connect the bulk of the text clearly, e.g., “

…on the other

hand

”, “

So we are like…

”. The

conclusion

provides closure

with optimism but its call for change is not very strong.

Sentences

have variation in beginnings and length allowing for

smooth oral reading. Appropriate

word choice

gives the writing

strength, and is vivid in some of its examples, e.g., “

…hunts

down….

” The writers

‛

voice

shows commitment as the

audience and the writers

‛

purpose is addressed.

Conventions

are pretty grade appropriate, GLE-wise. Standard English

usage

spelling

capitalization

, and

punctuation

are all mostly

correct.

Paragraphs

are indicated the same way.

This paper has met the district

‛

s performance standard.

03685

Persuasive

Content

A. Topic

narrowly

maintained

(3)

B. Reasons signifi cant,

relevant

to support thesis (3)

C. Evidence purposeful,

relevant, elaborated to fully

support reasons,

clarifi es

(4-)

D. Message

insightful

clarifi es

, goes beyond,

anticipates questions (4-)

)

Organization

A. Introduction

presents thesis in some

context

; provides reader with

direction

(3)

B. Middle

purposefully

arranged in a

logical

pattern; clearly fi t together (4-)

C. Transitions

show

signal

, or

maintain

basic and sequencing connections (3)

D. Conclusion

limited

; restates main points

(2)

Style

A. Sentences

vary

in beginnings, length,

and/or structure,

usually

fl ow smoothly,

easily read aloud (3)

B. Word Choice

specifi c

;

strengthens

writing;

shows

use of

active

verbs (3+)

C. Voice shows

commitment

; reader-

writer interaction; tone attracts reader;

audience/purpose

addressed

(3)

Conventions

Level 3: Profi cient

(According to grade

level expectations)

Competent

use of conventions;

mostly

and

consistently

applies correctly

usage, spelling, and punctuation;

does not interfere with meaning and/or

readability. (3)

Some students think the mascot for your

school should be changed. Do you think it should be

changed? Take a position. Would a new creature, image,

person, or animal be better to represent your school

‛

spirit or is your current mascot a good one.

In a letter to your principal persuade him/her that the

mascot should or shouldn

‛

t be changed and why.

Page 1 of 1

Grade: 6 Year: 2003

Everett Public Schools

Mode:

Annotation:

SCORING

Paper:

Prompt:

Writing Annotations

Above-

Standard-

Basic-

Below-

Cont Organ Style Conv

The writer thoroughly shows a strong ability to write a

persuasive paper.

The meaning of this paper is so very clear. The writer is

persuading the school principal to not change the school

mascot, and the

topic

is narrowly maintained. Specifi c and

relevant

details

help elaborate the

reasons

given:

“Like our

school, this elegant creature soars above the rest, and

like the hawk our school watches over everything and

everyone…”

Clarity of

message

goes beyond the obvious and

personal experience is drawn upon. At the thought of having

to pick a new mascot:

“I hate to even ponder the thought.

It’s utterly degrading to think we don’t have any self

pride. I would never like to be thought of that way,

and neither would you.”

A good sense of direction draws

the reader in as part of the

introduction

. Supporting ideas

are purposefully arranged in a logical

pattern

that clearly fi t

together.

Transitions

between and within paragraphs provide

cohesion throughout the text allowing for consistency. This

thought provoking

conclusion

“I know if you find the true

hawk within yourself, you will know that keeping this

majestic bird as our school mascot will not be something

you will soon regret.”

is truly a call for action in not changing

the school mascot

Sentences

fl ow easily with a lovely cadence.

Reading this paper aloud would be a joy. Vivid

word choice

never overdone, and appears natural e.g.,

“exquisite, bestow,

ponder, thriving, and perseverance.”

The writer is a risk

taker, committed to the topic, the audience is hooked, and the

voice

is set. The meaning of the text is clear following above-

grade GLEs. The Standard English

usage

and

capitalization

are nearly always correct.

Punctuation

is mostly correct with

only some repeating problems in comma use.

Paragraphs

are

indicated the same way and clarify meaning.

Spelling

is mostly

correct.

This paper has met the district

‛

s performance standard.

03653a

Persuasive

Content

A. Topic

narrowly

maintained

(3)

B. Reasons

purposeful

fully

support thesis/position (4-)

C. Evidence signifi cant,

relevant

& elaborated,

supports

reasons (3+)

D. Message

insightful

clarifi es

, goes beyond,

anticipates questions (4)

Organization

A. Introduction

presents thesis in context

;

provides reader with

direction

(3+)

B. Middle

purposefully

arranged in a

logical

pattern; clearly fi t together (4)

C. Transitions clearly provide

cohesion

that

covers the bulk of the text; intentionally

signals/

implies relationship

connections

(4+)

D. Conclusion provides

thought

provoking

resolution, connection to the broader, or

call for action (4)

Style

A. Sentences vary

widely

beginnings, length, and/or structure,

fl ow

easily

;

cadence

invites

reading aloud (4)

B. Word Choice

vivid

precise

, apt,

natural

& never overdone;

various

active

verbs (4)

C. Voice

engaging

confi dent

commitment,

takes a risk

; hooks

reader; audience/purpose

strongly

addressed (4)

Conventions

Level 4: Advanced

(According to grade

level expectations)

Good

command

of conventions;

applies

usage, spelling, and punctuation to

enhance

meaning;

may break rules

for

style purposes. (4)

Some students think the mascot for your

school should be changed. Do you think it should be

changed? Take a position. Would a new creature, image,

person, or animal be better to represent your school

‛

spirit or is your current mascot a good one.

In a letter to your principal persuade him/her that the

mascot should or shouldn

‛

t be changed and why.

Page 1 of 2

Grade: 6 Year: 2003

Everett Public Schools

Mode:

Annotation:

SCORING

Paper:

Prompt:

Writing Annotations

Above-

Standard-

Basic-

Below-

Cont Organ Style Conv

03653b

Persuasive

Some students think the mascot for your

school should be changed. Do you think it should be

changed? Take a position. Would a new creature, image,

person, or animal be better to represent your school

‛

spirit or is your current mascot a good one.

In a letter to your principal persuade him/her that the

mascot should or shouldn

‛

t be changed and why.

Page 2 of 2

Content

A. Topic

narrowly

maintained

(3)

B. Reasons

purposeful

fully

support thesis/position (4-)

C. Evidence signifi cant,

relevant

& elaborated,

supports

reasons (3+)

D. Message

insightful

clarifi es

, goes beyond,

anticipates questions (4)

Organization

A. Introduction

presents thesis in context

;

provides reader with

direction

(3+)

B. Middle

purposefully

arranged in a

logical

pattern; clearly fi t together (4)

C. Transitions clearly provide

cohesion

that

covers the bulk of the text; intentionally

signals/

implies relationship

connections

(4+)

D. Conclusion provides

thought

provoking

resolution, connection to the broader, or

call for action (4)

Style

A. Sentences vary

widely

beginnings, length, and/or structure,

fl ow

easily

;

cadence

invites

reading aloud (4)

B. Word Choice

vivid

precise

, apt,

natural

& never overdone;

various

active

verbs (4)

C. Voice

engaging

confi dent

commitment,

takes a risk

; hooks

reader; audience/purpose

strongly

Conventions

Level 4: Advanced

(According to grade

level expectations)

Good

command

of conventions;

applies

usage, spelling, and punctuation to

enhance

meaning;

may break rules

for

style purposes. (4)

The writer thoroughly shows a strong ability to write a

persuasive paper.

The meaning of this paper is so very clear. The writer is

persuading the school principal to not change the school

mascot, and the

topic

is narrowly maintained. Specifi c and

relevant

details

help elaborate the

reasons

given:

“Like our

school, this elegant creature soars above the rest, and

like the hawk our school watches over everything and

everyone…”

Clarity of

message

goes beyond the obvious and

personal experience is drawn upon. At the thought of having

to pick a new mascot:

“I hate to even ponder the thought.

It’s utterly degrading to think we don’t have any self

pride. I would never like to be thought of that way,

and neither would you.”

A good sense of direction draws

the reader in as part of the

introduction

. Supporting ideas

are purposefully arranged in a logical

pattern

that clearly fi t

together.

Transitions

between and within paragraphs provide

cohesion throughout the text allowing for consistency. This

thought provoking

conclusion

“I know if you find the true

hawk within yourself, you will know that keeping this

majestic bird as our school mascot will not be something

you will soon regret.”

is truly a call for action in not changing

the school mascot

Sentences

fl ow easily with a lovely cadence.

Reading this paper aloud would be a joy. Vivid

word choice

never overdone, and appears natural e.g.,

“exquisite, bestow,

ponder, thriving, and perseverance.”

The writer is a risk

taker, committed to the topic, the audience is hooked, and the

voice

is set. The meaning of the text is clear following above-

grade GLEs. The Standard English

usage

and

capitalization

are nearly always correct.

Punctuation

is mostly correct with

only some repeating problems in comma use.

Paragraphs

are

indicated the same way and clarify meaning.

Spelling

is mostly

correct.

This paper has met the district

‛

s performance standard.

Writing Sample

Grade 6 Year 2003

Content

Organization

Style

Conventions

03688

Writing Sample

Grade 6 Year 2003

Content

Organization

Style

Conventions

03652a

Writing Sample

Grade 6 Year 2003

Content

Organization

Style

Conventions

03652b

Writing Sample

Grade 6 Year 2003

Content

Organization

Style

Conventions

03685

Writing Sample

Grade 6 Year 2003

Content

Organization

Style

Conventions

03653a

Writing Sample

Grade 6 Year 2003

Content

Organization

Style

Conventions

03653b