Everett Public Schools

Modes:

Persuasive

Annotations

---

Everett Public Schools

Directions:

The following annotations are

organized

by mode and from low to higher skilled

papers within the mode.

Use

these annotations when reading/rating your papers to rate each strand called

for on the scoring guide. It

‛

s usually thought best to rate holistic traits fi rst, i.e.,

Organization and Style, and then the more detail-oriented traits, i.e., Content and

Conventions. Each set of papers includes a basic-below paper, two at-standard pa-

pers (low-at-standard and high-at-standard), and an above paper.

When

recording

your students

‛

scores include the student

‛

s name (and ID,

if required), four scores, and the prompt ID. Class averages are optional.

Scores

for School and classroom level summaries will be reported in whole num-

bers only. Individual student scores may be reported as whole numbers and whole

numbers with pluses and minuses; e.g. 3+, 3, or 3-.

Annotations

---

Grade: 8 Year: 2001

Everett Public Schools

Mode:

Annotation:

Scorin

G

Paper:

Prompt:

3

Writing Annotations

Above-

Standard-

Basic-

Below-

Cont Organ Style Conv

Persuasive

You have been selected to be part of an exchange trip

program to another part of the United States of America. Each

selected student is to bring something special to give to his/her

exchange-trip family. The special thing should represent your

hometown culture and be approved by the host organization.

What thing do you think you should bring?

Write a letter to the host organization convincing them that your

choice is appropriate and representative of your hometown culture.

(EPS 2001)

The writer consistently showed an insufficient ability to write

a persuasive letter.

A general but wandering

focus

was present in this letter. It

had no main idea (

topic

) but rather a list of ideas. The author

has yet to develop general

reasons

and

evidence

to account for

or explain and convince why he/she should bring the items to

Austria:

“ I would breeg…

and

“I would breeg…”

The

writers’

message

reflected a simplistic list of thoughts. No

introduction or conclusion was present. Items mentioned were

hardly patterned in the body of the text until the last two

incomplete “sentences” (

middle

) suggested a connection. Only

the conjunction “and” was evidence of any

transitions.

As a

result the text did very little to be a letter organized toward

persuasion. There was no variety of

sentence

structures

and while oral reading was not difficult, awkwardness in the

sentences did exist.

Word choice

showed a fleeting moment

of awareness

“…To sow them how we live…”

but the

writer’s

voice

remained consistently flat and lacking in feeling or

commitment. Standard English

usage

was inconsistently applied;

for example there were problems with homophones and sentence

structure.

conventions

skills were best likened to the 1-3 GLEs.

Paragraphs

were not clearly presented although there may have

been indentation in the first and fourth lines of text to suggest

idea chunking (although

Spelling

inappropriately).

was mostly

reliant on phonetic interpretation of words.

capitalization

or

letter case was often incorrect. P

unctuation

was limited to end

marks and the greatest need for improvement.

This paper has yet to meet the district’s performance

standard.

010828

Persuasive

Content

RA.

Topic

wanders; focus

lost

(1+)

RB.

Reasons do

not support

thesis;

missing

(1)

RC.

Evidence does

not

support

reasons;

missing

(1+)

RD.

Message missing or

random

thoughts (1)

Organization

RA.

Introduction missing;

no direction

(1)

RB.

Middle

randomly

or

illogically ordered

(1+)

RC.

Transitions

incorrectly used

,

omitted

,

or

repetitive

(1)

RD.

Conclusion

missing

; restates topic; text

abruptly

ends (1)

Style

RA.

Sentences are similar in beginnings,

length, and/or structure;

no/minimal

“sentence sense”

; does

not invite

reading aloud (1+)

RB.

Word Choice

limited

; does

not

enhance

; thesaurus overload,

passive

verbs (2)

RC.

Voice lacking;

inadequate

commitment; boredom; audience/

purpose

not addressed

(1+)

Conventions

R

Level 1: Below Basic

Inconsistently

applies usage, spelling,

capitalization, punctuation and paragraphs;

errors

interfere

with meaning and/or

readability. (1)

1

+

1

1

+

1

Page 1 of 1

---

Grade: 8 Year: 2001

Everett Public Schools

Mode:

Annotation:

Scorin

G

Paper:

Prompt:

4

Writing Annotations

Above-

Standard-

Basic-

Below-

Cont Organ Style Conv

Persuasive

You have been selected to be part of an exchange trip

program to another part of the United States of America. Each

selected student is to bring something special to give to his/her

exchange-trip family. The special thing should represent your

hometown culture and be approved by the host organization.

What thing do you think you should bring?

Write a letter to the host organization convincing them that your

choice is appropriate and representative of your hometown culture.

(EPS 2001)

The writer inconsistently demonstrated an adequate ability to

write a persuasive letter.

The writer

focused

the topic in this letter in a broad manner.

The

message

drew from the writer’s personal observation

but it did not provide sufficient

…it would be a

evidence: “

rowedenum…because every other house has one in there

front yard…”

A to-the-poin

int

t

ro

,

d

w

u

e

cti

a

on

k

provided the

reader with some direction. But t his letter’s

middle

showed a

response to the prompt as if it were the answer to the question:

“What would you bring to a host family?” The writer needed

to direct the topic more precisely. The

details

did not sort

themselves into what was important (or not). This left the

reader to wonder which sentences were the main idea, and

which were supporting details.

Connecting

transitions,

i.e.,

because, so,

,

helped

also in a minimal way for idea sequencing,

but a

conclusion

was missing. The writer seemed reasonably

sincere; however, the tone of the writing was flat and risk

free. The word choice was functional and rather passive.

Chosen

word choice

did not strengthen the writing. It lacked

specificity and often

Se

w

n

a

te

s

nce

rbeedguinndnainntg

. s,

structure, and length rarely varied but sentences generally

flowed smoothly, as the writers’ purpose was addressed.

c onventions

were generally intact for the GLEs in the 3-5

grade level range.

Punctuation

and

capitalization

were nearly

always correct,

paragraphs

but

were

no

evident to help clarify

meaning. This letter would need moderate editing in Standard

English

usage

and

spelling

.

This paper has yet to meet the district’s performance

standard.

010827

2

+

2

2

-

2

-

Page 1 of 1

Content

RA.

Topic

generally

focused

throughout (2+)

RB.

Reasons connected; does

not support the thesis

(2)

RC.

Evidence connected; does

not support the reasons;

implied

(2)

RD.

Message

present

; simplistic;

flawed; needs interpretation

(2)

Organization

RA.

Introduction

restates

title or prompt,

unclear, or only a

little sense

of direction

(2-)

RB. Middle

loosely patterned

; outline-like (2)

RC.

Transitions

telling/sequencing

connections

(2)

RD.

Conclusion

missing

; restates topic; text

abruptly

ends (1)

Style

RA.

Sentences have

some

variety in

beginnings, length, and/or structure;

awkward

;

troublesome

to read

aloud (2-)

RB.

Word Choice

limited

; does

not

enhance

; thesaurus overload,

passive

verbs (2+)

RC.

Voice

distracted

commitment; tone

inconsistent

; yet to be invited-in;

audience/purpose is weak (2-)

Conventions

R

Level 2: Basic

Consistently

applies usage, spelling,

capitalization, punctuation and

paragraphs;

minimal errors

do not

interfere

with meaning and/or readability.

(2-)

---

Grade: 8 Year: 2001

Everett Public Schools

Mode:

Annotation:

Scorin

G

Paper:

Prompt:

5

Writing Annotations

Above-

Standard-

Basic-

Below-

Cont Organ Style Conv

Persuasive

You have been selected to be part of an exchange trip

program to another part of the United States of America. Each

selected student is to bring something special to give to his/her

exchange-trip family. The special thing should represent your

hometown culture and be approved by the host organization.

What thing do you think you should bring?

Write a letter to the host organization convincing them that your

choice is appropriate and representative of your hometown culture.

(EPS 2001)

The writer consistently demonstrated an adequate ability to

write a persuasive letter.

The

topic

in this formatted letter was presented in a narrowing

manner. From the get-go the reader was aware of the letter’s

purpose and the writer’s intent. The somewhat long

introduction

drew the reader in to trying to guess what the writer was going

to describe:

“ What is something that is long, flat,

…I’m talking about snow skis!”

With this the

message

drew from the writer’s observations about skiing in Washington

and how it was similar to

“perfect

surfing

thing

in Hawaii as

to bring…”

and represent the author’s culture.

r easons

offered had some support for

evidence

the

to

proposal, but

support these reasons was not always strong: “…

People here go

up to the mountains every chance they get. It is kinda

like over in Hawaii, everybody surfs….”

Nonetheless,

reasons and examples were logically presented (

middle

), and

the few

transitions

used served for sequencing thoughts, i.e.,

because, also.

conclusion

The

did not summarize but it did

ask the reader for specific

word

action.

choice

Appropriate

did strengthen the writing:

“…come up with something

really cool… fastened to boots to enable a person…

take my offer into great consideration…”

Variations

in

sentence

beginnings and length supported the writing to

flow smoothly. T

v

h

oic

ewa

e

wr

s c

iomtmiitnteg

d butnot always

risk taking.

conventions

were mostly intact for the GLEs in

the 6-8 grade lev

Pu

e

nc

l

tua

r

t

a

ion

n

, g

exece

.

pt for some

internal commas,

capitalization

and

were usually correct, and

paragraphing

helped clarify meaning. Standard English

usage

,

as well as

spelling

, are mostly correct.

This paper has met the district’s performance standard.

010817

3

-

3

3

3

Page 1 of 1

Content

RA.

Topic

narrowly

maintained

(3)

RB.

Reasons signifcant,

relevant

to support thesis (3)

RC.

Evidence signifcant,

relevant

& elaborated,

supports

reasons (3-)

RD.

Message

interesting,

important

; may be obvious

(3-)

Organization

RA.

Introduction

presents thesis in some

context

; provides reader with

direction

(3)

RB.

Middle prepared in a

logical pattern

to show

thesis (3)

RC.

Transitions

show

,

signal

, or

maintain

basic

and sequencing connections (3-)

RD.

Conclusion

ties up

loose ends with

consequences

, connection to the broader,

or

call for action

(3)

Style

RA.

Sentences

vary

in beginnings,

length, and/or structure,

usually

flow

smoothly, easily read aloud (3)

RB.

Word Choice

specifc

;

strengthens

writing;

shows

use of

active

verbs

(3)

RC.

Voice shows

commitment

;

reader-writer interaction; tone

attracts reader; audience/purpose

addressed

(3)

Conventions

R

Level 3: Profcient

(According to grade level

expectations)

Competent

use of conventions;

mostly

and

consistently

applies correctly

usage, spelling, and punctuation;

does not interfere with meaning and/or

readability. (3)

---

Grade: 8 Year: 2001

Everett Public Schools

Mode:

Annotation:

Scorin

G

Paper:

Prompt:

Writing Annotations

Above-

Standard-

Basic-

Below-

Cont Organ Style Conv

Persuasive

You have been selected to be part of an exchange trip

program to another part of the United States of America. Each

selected student is to bring something special to give to his/her

exchange-trip family. The special thing should represent your

hometown culture and be approved by the host organization.

What thing do you think you should bring?

Write a letter to the host organization convincing them that your

choice is appropriate and representative of your hometown culture.

(EPS 2001)

01080

Page 1 of 1

The writer demonstrated an ample ability to consistently write

a persuasive letter.

This “folksy” little letter provided much color and imagery on

its journey of supporting reasons for the writer’s choice of a

cultural gift for his/her host family. The writer

focused

the

this letter in a narrow manner. From a sweeping

introduction

of sights around Everett, Washington the writer tells but did

not explain how these venues represented Everett. The reader

was left to assume this. This was the major weakness of this

otherwise strong letter to persuade. The

message

implicitly

tried to convince the reader with appropriate imagery but

did not do so explicitly from the writer’s personal opinion or

experience: “

…it would be a collage of pictures. The

pictures would show the important and unique things of

Everett.”

r easons

were supportive and relevant. The body of

evidence was clearly and logically presented (

middle

), with many

and varied

transitions

serving to both sequence and relate, i.e.,

“

while, Another, next, And the last

”. The

conclusion

tended

to summarize and link the reader to the proposal but it did not

call for action.

Word choice

markedly strengthen the writing,

at least at the beginning:

“gaze at the snow covered…,

A mammoth Boeing jet passes over…staring at the

intimidating U.S. Navy ships parked in Port Gardner

Bay…on a ferry boat pleasantly crosses the Puget

Sound.

The variations in

sentence

beginnings, structure,

and length allowed the writing to flow smoothly. The writing

voice

was committed and noticeably aware of the reader.

conventions

were mostly intact for the GLEs in 6-8 grade level

range.

Paragraphs

helped clarify meaning.

This paper has met the district’s performance standard.

3

+

Content

RA.

Topic

narrowly

maintained

(3+)

RB.

Reasons signifcant,

relevant

to support thesis (3+)

RC.

Evidence signifcant,

relevant

& elaborated,

supports

reasons (3)

RD.

Message

interesting,

important

; may be obvious

(3+)

Organization

RA.

Introduction

creatively

presents thesis

in context; draws reader in with

strong

sense of direction (4)

RB.

Middle prepared in a

logical pattern

to

show thesis (3)

RC.

Transitions

show

,

signal

, or

maintain

basic and sequencing connections (3)

RD.

Conclusion

ties up

loose ends with

consequences

, connection to the

broader, or

call for action

(3)

Style

RA.

Sentences

vary

in beginnings,

length, and/or structure,

usually

flow

smoothly, easily read aloud (3+)

RB.

Word Choice

vivid

,

precise

, apt,

natural

& never overdone;

various

active

verbs (4-)

RC.

Voice shows

commitment

; reader-

writer interaction; tone attracts reader;

audience/purpose

addressed

(3+)

Conventions

R

Level 3: Profcient

(According to grade level

expectations)

Competent

use of conventions;

mostly

and

consistently

applies correctly

usage, spelling, and punctuation;

does not interfere with meaning and/or

readability. (3+)

3

+

3

+

3

+

---

Grade: 8 Year: 2001

Everett Public Schools

Mode:

Annotation:

Scorin

G

Paper:

Prompt:

7

Writing Annotations

Above-

Standard-

Basic-

Below-

Cont Organ Style Conv

Persuasive

You have been selected to be part of an exchange trip

program to another part of the United States of America. Each

selected student is to bring something special to give to his/her

exchange-trip family. The special thing should represent your

hometown culture and be approved by the host organization.

What thing do you think you should bring?

Write a letter to the host organization convincing them that your

choice is appropriate and representative of your hometown culture.

(EPS 2001)

010837a

Persuasive

Page 1 of 2

Content

RA.

Topic

purposeful

throughout (4)

RB.

Reasons

purposeful

,

fully

support thesis/position (4)

RC.

Evidence purposeful,

relevant, elaborated to fully

support reasons,

clarifes

(4)

RD.

Message

interesting,

important

; may be

obvious (3+)

Organization

RA.

Introduction

creatively

presents thesis in

context; draws reader in with

strong

sense of direction (4-)

RB.

Middle

purposefully

arranged in a

logical

pattern; clearly ft together (4)

RC.

Transitions clearly provide

cohesion

that

covers the bulk of the text; intentionally

signals/

implies relationship

connections (4-)

RD.

Conclusion

ties up

loose ends with

consequences

, connection to the

broader, or

call for action

(3+)

Style

RA.

Sentences vary

widely

in beginnings,

length, and/or structure, flow

easily

;

cadence

,

invites

reading aloud (4-)

RB.

Word Choice

vivid

,

precise

, apt,

natural

& never overdone;

various

active

verbs (4-)

RC.

Voice

engaging

,

confdent

,

commitment,

takes a risk

; hooks

reader; audience/purpose

strongly

addressed (4)

Conventions

R

Level 3: Profcient

(According to grade level

expectations)

Competent

use of conventions;

mostly

and

consistently

applies correctly usage,

spelling, and punctuation; does not

interfere with meaning and/or readability.

(3+)

4

4

-

4

3

+

The writer showed throughout a commanding ability to write

a persuasive letter.

With the verve of an ad writer this author consistently

narrowed the

focus

on what was to be seen, tasted, and

chosen as an example of a cultural gift a host family might be

given to represent the author’s home town. The

reasons

and

evidence

were strong and relevant:

“…apples grown at my

grandparents… make scrumptious desserts… delicious

drinks… have so much more to offer than those store

bought ones… yummy apples that they really would

show part of my home town culture.”

The writers’

message

reflected clarifying and purposefully organized

thoughts. The

introduction

linked the writer to the reader

and provided clear direction:

“You have selected me as one

of your exchange students. I am writing you to tell

you about the special item I have chosen.”

The offered

reasons and examples were purposefully and logically patterned

in the body of the letter (

middle

). Within and across paragraph

transitions

were plentiful and appropriate to both relate and

sequence the

also,

text,

One

e.g.,

reason, Another, “I

said this before…”

The

conclusion

attached itself to a

broader context and a call for action. There was much variety

of

sentence

structures and oral reading was easy with a good

cadence.

Word choice

showed moments of enhancement and

imagery:

“…so much juicer and a lot crunchier… you

can sink your teeth into a plain apple and it is just

as delectable…”

The writer’s

voice

was consistently full of

commitment and feeling.

conventions

skills were consistently

applied and are best likened

Paragraphs

to the 9-12 GLEs.

were clarifying and purposeful.

This paper has met the district’s performance standard.

---

Grade: 8 Year: 2001

Everett Public Schools

Mode:

Annotation:

Scorin

G

Paper:

Prompt:

8

Writing Annotations

Above-

Standard-

Basic-

Below-

Cont Organ Style Conv

Persuasive

You have been selected to be part of an exchange trip

program to another part of the United States of America. Each

selected student is to bring something special to give to his/her

exchange-trip family. The special thing should represent your

hometown culture and be approved by the host organization.

What thing do you think you should bring?

Write a letter to the host organization convincing them that your

choice is appropriate and representative of your hometown culture.

(EPS 2001)

010837b

Page 2 of 2

Content

RA.

Topic

purposeful

throughout (4)

RB.

Reasons

purposeful

,

fully

support thesis/position (4)

RC.

Evidence purposeful,

relevant, elaborated to fully

support reasons,

clarifes

(4)

RD.

Message

interesting,

important

; may be

obvious (3+)

Organization

RA.

Introduction

creatively

presents thesis in

context; draws reader in with

strong

sense of direction (4-)

RB.

Middle

purposefully

arranged in a

logical

pattern; clearly ft together (4)

RC.

Transitions clearly provide

cohesion

that

covers the bulk of the text; intentionally

signals/

implies relationship

connections (4-)

RD.

Conclusion

ties up

loose ends with

consequences

, connection to the

broader, or

call for action

(3+)

Style

RA.

Sentences vary

widely

in beginnings,

length, and/or structure, flow

easily

;

cadence

,

invites

reading aloud (4-)

RB.

Word Choice

vivid

,

precise

, apt,

natural

& never overdone;

various

active

verbs (4-)

RC.

Voice

engaging

,

confdent

,

commitment,

takes a risk

; hooks

reader; audience/purpose

strongly

addressed (4)

Conventions

R

Level 3: Profcient

(According to grade level

expectations)

Competent

use of conventions;

mostly

and

consistently

applies correctly usage,

spelling, and punctuation; does not

interfere with meaning and/or readability.

(3+)

4

4

-

4

3

+

The writer showed throughout a commanding ability to write

a persuasive letter.

With the verve of an ad writer this author consistently

narrowed the

focus

on what was to be seen, tasted, and

chosen as an example of a cultural gift a host family might be

given to represent the author’s home town. The

reasons

and

evidence

were strong and relevant:

“…apples grown at my

grandparents… make scrumptious desserts… delicious

drinks… have so much more to offer than those store

bought ones… yummy apples that they really would

show part of my home town culture.”

The writers’

message

reflected clarifying and purposefully organized

thoughts. The

introduction

linked the writer to the reader

and provided clear direction:

“You have selected me as one

of your exchange students. I am writing you to tell

you about the special item I have chosen.”

The offered

reasons and examples were purposefully and logically patterned

in the body of the letter (

middle

). Within and across paragraph

transitions

were plentiful and appropriate to both relate and

sequence the

also,

text,

One

e.g.,

reason, Another, “I

said this before…”

The

conclusion

attached itself to a

broader context and a call for action. There was much variety

of

sentence

structures and oral reading was easy with a good

cadence.

Word choice

showed moments of enhancement and

imagery:

“…so much juicer and a lot crunchier… you

can sink your teeth into a plain apple and it is just

as delectable…”

The writer’s

voice

was consistently full of

commitment and feeling.

conventions

skills were consistently

applied and are best likened

Paragraphs

to the 9-12 GLEs.

were clarifying and purposeful.

This paper has met the district’s performance standard.

---

#

Grade 8

Year

c

o

c

010828

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Grade 8

Year

c

o

c

010827

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Grade 8

Year

c

o

c

010817

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#

Grade 8

Year

c

o

c

010806

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#

Grade 8

Year

c

o

c

010837a

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#

Grade 8

Year

c

o

c